SOCIOPATH & TRUST

I woke up from a nightmare. At least it felt like a dream about this monster. Well, he did not exactly look like a monster, but his actions were more like one. His balding lack of integrity was hidden beneath the baseball cap. He seemed affable enough to warrant one’s reflection. His smile was disarming but lurking somewhere in the deep furrows of his piercing eyes was the coldness that comes from a nature foreign to most human beings. The dream went on in some circuitous ways, without any coruscating droplets hanging a rainbow before my eyes. Stark reality, it seems, was in play. Everything in nature seemed like a sparingly decorated stark modern home. Nothing homely or comfortable or full of the memories from the past. Just here and now and bland.

We were in a restaurant with his wife, who seemed amiable enough and seemed to hide her insecurity behind memorized verses from famous poets, but she had a sharp tongue to match her fleeting frown to his cold stare that seemed to gaze at nothing in particular. We had to be seated several times to the complaints of the man. Both their sudden change of demeanor showed up like erratic flashes of lightning bolts, covered hurriedly by the dark impenetrable cloud of grey. The couple were strangely human but not so in their actions. They were disarming with their brief smiles and terrifying in their silence.

The dream went on, now we were at a funeral and she, the wife showed, what seemed genuine, a sadness in her eyes and the very next moment a hushed giggle. A classic personality disorder that would fill a psychiatrist’s hour and then some. The man in the baseball cap told tall tales of other people. He used easy words to disparage and gently vilify without showing any signs of vehemence. His woman nodded in silence and filed in words to enhance his statements. It was a classic dance between Ralph and Jack described by William Golding in the Lord of the Flies. Unsettled evil lurking beneath with restrained hostility and a hidden but easily provoked maleviolence. Like Ralph and Jack, this man and his woman had the feral qualities of the “beast” that exists in such humans.

We were suddenly transformed to an office setting, where he now appeared to be comforting me while I was in some feeling of distress. A strangeness overtook me as he leveled uncustomary compliments towards me. And just as swiftly, the forked tongue of this serpent had wrapped around me and I was back seated before him willingly agreeing to some nuanced version of reality that he had put before me. Thankfully all nightmares are life limited and I found myself in this multilevel home with the walls leaking water and the roof bowing under the weight of a deluge from above. Water was weakening the structure as the scaffolding groaned under the weight of this torrential storm. A good structure, like character will stand the test of these storms. The structure remained erect and secure, albeit wet. A safe refuge. It weathered the storm. The darkness passed.

The next moment I felt as if I was flying under my own powers, bending metal to the will of my mind. And then as suddenly that dream dissipated.

I realized what my nightmare was conveying to me, that there are people in this world who take pleasure in harming others. These are the 4% of the populace. One in 25 people have this affliction. These are the sociopaths next door, that we never find out. They are geared from their earliest waking moments through their gradual descent from possible lack of good nurturing, to cause harm to others. Others to them do not have meaning. Others merely exist to be exploited at their hands.

I woke up in a sweat! The nightmare became a memory that finds its way into my mind, jogging the wheels of reality from time to time. It is a distant past that fades with each passing night but the lessons it taught me, remain true to this day.

These fiends are also to large degree cowards, fearful for their own person and their personal wrongfully attained gains. They lash out at others to benefit their plans, pointing fingers at others while gaming the system for their own purpose, while having no remorse in harming others to achieve their aims.

These are the Sociopaths. And history is replete with them. Those that dabbled in high stakes and got caught with their hands in the cookie jar include the following: In Finance names like Bernie Madoff and Rajaratnam, in Medicine, Dr. Kermit Gosnell, in Pharma, Martin Shkreli, come to mind.

Based on that dreadful nightmare, I researched about sociopaths and so allow me to share some of the tricks they use:

1.    Feigned Empathy. These monsters will drop a tear as an emotional expression at a funeral when the death of the person means absolutely nothing to them. They will act out sadness over an unknown person to show others how empathic they are to someone’s else’s tragedy, trying to prove their virtuous self. They will use the other person’s distress and claim it their own. They will virtue signal anything to the targeted victim to bring him or her into their fold of blinded ignorance.

2.    Exploit Weakness. Most humans are gifted with a sense of truth and justice based on Natural Laws. Every one of us has a weakness, be it gullibility, desire to be someone’s friend, desire to do good, honesty, virtue, giving comfort to others etc. These monsters exploit these gifts. If you are honest, they will vilify other’s lack of it, If you are giving comfort to others, they will mention someone else as being poor in that regard to give false sense of admiration directed at you and simultaneously say the same about you behind your back. They will cultivate your weakness into a full-blown friendship to win your trust. They will always try to gain a level of control over anyone who is susceptible to their sweet-nothings, by boldly promising to kill the beast of their own creation and resident in themselves.

3.    Temper Strength. They will constantly undermine your strengths under the pretext of “helping” you get better as a person. Always undermining your strengths and exposing and amplifying your weaknesses with “friendly” corrective mechanisms. They will try to show they are sophisticated and strong but your strengths are actually your weakness.

4.   Surrogacy. To further emphasize their point of views, they usually have a very select cabal of one or two others that whisper the same messaging so as to reinforce the designated points of view. These surrogates are usually their partners in some previous crimes, hence joined at the hip for self-preservation. In doing so, they will reward these surrogates with other’s ill-gained money. This monster man and his woman type live their lives, firing volleys from other’s shoulders, shielded from reprisal by convincing others to do their bidding.

So, what did I learn from that nightmare?

1.    Trust no one without verification. Listen to them. These monsters will unknowingly express their inner thoughts and potential focus of harm. Listen to advice from those close to you before according them the benefit of acquaintance, then continue on with your research into their modus operandi and keep listening to their words and watching their deeds. Depending on your own strengths and weaknesses, your honesty, and gullibility, your desire to be nice and friendly to others, these nasty sharks will slowly worm their way into your life. Their persistence and cleverly disguised methods win over most skeptics. They are relentless and gauge your response constantly, adjust accordingly, because their eyes are always on the prize; your life’s worth. The monster in my dream never wanted to be seated with a window or door behind his back, indicating he had done harm to others.

2.    Beware of those constantly heaping praise on you.

3.    Beware of lofty promises.

4.    Beware of those desperately wanting to be in your friend circle, with no friends of their own.

5.    Beware of those who tell you they are very selective in having friends or have none at all, but they want to be in your circle.

6.    Beware of false pretense, false empathy, false bravado, false rhetoric, it shows if you keep an open mind.

7.    Beware of someone who exploits others to show their prowess in managing people.

8.    Beware of someone who demeans your long-term friends. Their fear is that those closest to you will find them out.

9.    Beware of giving away trust for a false kind word.

-->And teach your children the same.